3 Years Already?

On this day 3 years ago, I graduated college with a BS in Child and Family Development. "Go Me!" I thought, "It will all be smooth sailing from here." I was done with college and was sure I would soon start my career. And  the next day I would "begin" my marriage (refer to Happy Anniversary Blog) and my adult life could begin to unfold. You know the career, marriage, kids, house etc....

Well its 3 years later and well I got one of those down at least...even though with him gone I am managing more as a single girl (Please note: I said managing not acting-I am totally committed to my one true love)

Yup, 3 years later, and here I am  changing diapers for a living, but none of those diapers belong to my own kids. Now I am not trying to be negative here because, well, I have learned that is just no fun but wow- 3 years have passed and I feel I have little to show...I feel as though I have failed.

I mean I graduated Summa Cum Laude! (lol I just had to thrown that in there) You think I would have a really good job by now! But No..... Here I am, working as a "breaker" at a daycare, meaning that my job involves  giving breaks to teachers and assistants. Not the career I worked towards in college. Its been a tough road for me career-wise actually. I did get a Preschool Teacher position after college but it ended pretty fast due to my moving to Texas. And although I did love those days, it left me feeling afraid to ever return to a classroom. It was so different than I thought it would be. So much so that up until a few months ago, I was pursuing Nursing school with great eagerness. However after much prayer, I have decided to go back and give teaching a real try. Unfortunaltely teaching jobs are very limited right now. It is extremely frustrating.

Not to mention that it gets to me that this would be the perfect time to have a full-time good career going on given that we don't have any babies yet. Sometimes I feel like I deserve one or the other at least.....only God knows....

But before I ramble on too much more I am going to stop releasing my feelings and take a moment to realize that it is OK to be where we are at right now. Yes I am only getting older but then again with a career and kid we would have not been able to live the life that I truly feel is an adventure.

Some things to consider

• Last year I had the opportunity to be a stay-at home wife which was completely AWESOME! I loved it and it allowed me to enjoy life with Jeremy during our first year together, without worrying about work. 
• We did a lot of traveling in the great state of Texas last year.
• We got the opportunity to get our first puppy and give him the time to train him to be a good boy. We got Mashy who is not a good girl but hopefully in time will be.
• I had the opportunity to meet and spend pretty much everyday with the best neighbor I could ask for and made a new-life long friend. This is also most likely going to give us the opportunity to visit Europe!
•  With the part-time job I have now I can still do a lot at home
• The breaker position has taught me a lot more about kids and babies. I so know that if God gives us twins I will surely be tired but know I can handle it. Heck, I am now taking care of four (under 3 months) at a time. Crying no longer phases me. Tiny babies no longer scare me. (Yes I know there is a lot more to taking care of baies than what goes on in a daycare but please don't pop my bubble)
• I am able to talk to my husband at 3 in the morning during this deployment because I don't have to be up super-early for work

Wow, I could keep listing things but I am sure I have lost half of the readers already. Yes, it can be so frustrating when life doesn't go the way you wanted and yes it can also be discouraging. I would love more money and things for us and  I would love to have a baby here with me.

But more and more I am realizing that crying over what is not meant for me at the time just robs me of joy. I am actually reminded of the song by Tim McGraw about living like you were dying. I dont think I am going sky-diving quite just yet, but I definitley want to remember to make the most of what is given to me and even in the small things, the precious moments we get to spend with each other, the challenges we face---I want to be happy and enjoy it all. Living as thought to tomorrow were your last, definitely puts things in perspective.

So oh well, no career just yet. I guess I'll just stay up late and watch a movie. After all, I can do that. No need to wake up early in the morning ;)